Hurry Up and Wait

 It's been 2 weeks since I sent in my PASS application. I haven't heard anything yet. I am trying not to be anxious, but that is hard. So to keep my mind busy I have been going out to places that I have never been before. I certainly did not have the confidence I do now. I have been going on more back roads and stopping in places I wouldn't normally go. I was always told NOT to go places. I was fed fear morning, noon and night. Now that I have decided to live my life for myself and now that I have been through so much in the past 6 years I have gotten a lot braver. I don't care what people have to say when I'm on the side of the road. I have been traveling around so I can get comfortable for when I do some real traveling across America. Hopefully that will happen this year, but that's ok as long as I can do it by next year. 

I have a rather big photoshoot in the mild of June. I will be doing several types of photography in Proctorsville, Vt. I will be doing a pet photoshoot, a 1st year anniversary shoot and a family reunion shoot. It's going to be a doozy of a weekend. I have been working hard on my therapy because I'm not great with big crowds. The really great thing is that the person I'm going to be working for understands if I need to take a break. So I can collect myself and not be so overwhelmed. I hope I will get to use my new tent. I would have been much easier to carry it down a truck or SUV, but I will figure it out. At least I can bring Caera with me. That will be so much better having her around.



I was really hoping that I would get the PASS approved before the big weekend. I would have really liked to get a new camera. Both of mine are used and I can tell that one is on it's last leg. I have to do quite a bit of work on the settings before I can use it. I also wanted to get better lens at least. 
My mentor Bob Jenks let me look through one of the higher end lens and WOWZA! I'm definitely getting better glass. I can make great photos, but the glass really does make a difference. But as I keep saying. If I practice with low end cameras and can make my photos outstanding just imagine what I will be able to do with a high end camera.
I have 2 more weeks before I could possibly hear from the PASS folks. So until I do hear from them am giving myself homework, working on my blogs and my Facebook pages and I'm trying to work on a website. I'm also going through all of my photos and seeing what ones I want to sell and what I plan doing with them. I also have been working on my film cameras too. I have two different brands. I have a Canon and a Fujimica. I'm not quite sure how either of them are going to turn out. I have a couple to send out tomorrow from the Fujimica. 
I have often asked myself, "What would happen if I didn't get excepted into the PASS program?" And my answer is I'm not giving up. I can still get a horse trailer or camper or a van. It will just take me a little longer to do so. I can travel in my car right now and still do all sorts of work. I have to be a bit creative in how I get things done, but I'm not going to quit. Some people think I will fail. The only thing that is going to make me fail is my body. My head and heart are into it 100%, but my body always has something to say about it. I love doing photography way too much. I wake up thinking about it. I think about it everywhere I go and I even dream about it. Do I get burned out? Sure. But those days are rare and I just watch movies or do some crafts. On down days like today it's raining. I can't take photos unless I do them indoors. But soon I will have a puppy in my midst and it will be hard to do that so instead I'm working on my blog and I will be watching videos on Youtube about speed photography and maybe I will go to Walmart cause I need to buy some laminate for some cards I will be making up. With my autoimmune diseases my memory is terrible. Some things are just habit and I can remember with no problem and other I need help with. 
If and when my body has decided it can't do anymore at least I have enough photography that I can write books about and product to sell. Just like animals I will not stop doing anything to do with photography. It has brought me too much joy and has helped me live. It keeps my creativity going! So if I'm excepted in the PASS Program or not I'm not going to stop doing what I love to do.

Sierra








Location: St Johnsbury, VT, USA

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